Zegna Uomo Review


Bergamot, Violet Leaf, Cedar, Vetiver

The Short Story

A signature scent for men bored with life.

The Long Story

Herber_SmithHerbert Smith’s favourite colour was light beige.  His favourite food was lightly seasoned chicken breast with steamed peas.  He believed in restraint.  Herbert applied this principle in everything he did. He wore light beige shirts and pants, not too big and not too small, always combed his blondish hair the same way and barely spoke to people unless he really had to.  Herbert was a structural engineer and therefore he led a lift with rigid structure.  He got up in the morning at 7:00 AM sharp, took a shower, shaved and brushed his teeth in exactly the same order using exactly the same calculated movements. After that he would eat a plain toast with black coffee and would put on his light beige clothes, which all looked identical.

At work, Herbert would work diligently and found peace in his precisely arranged pencils and paper stacks.  At 5:00 PM sharp, he would leave work and go straight home to have his daily chicken breast and steamed peas.  After that Herbert would a book from a Russian classic and promptly go to bed at 9:00 PM.

To the surprise of the few who paid any attention to Herbert, he wore a cologne.  Not that they could smell it on him often but once in a while they got a whiff of it.  He applied two sprays on each side of his neck and one on the chest.  Not a drop more.

Herbet’s cologne was Zegna Uomo.  


Herbert is the personage I imagine when I smell Zegna’s latest creation.  It is restrained, polite and unnoticeable. It is perfect for accountants, structural engineers, and tax lawyers.

Uomo is an exercise in moderation: citrus, violet leaf, and cedar. The latter two very synthetic at that.  You spray Uomo on and you get a restrained blast of citrus.  Don’t get too excited though.  It quickly dies out and a restrained synthetic violet leaf comes on.  If you are patient enough to wear it for 4 hours, you will also get the synthetic cedar.

In relation to this fragrance Zegna apparently said “You buy a fragrance, you buy a dream.”  I don’t know what kind of dreams Zegna wanted to sell with Uomo but I get a nightmare.  The nightmare of boredom.


Uomo makes me want to sit in a white room and stare at a point in the wall.  It comes from a world where the most exciting thing is finding lint in your pocket.

Zegna Uomo makes me cry. I cry of boredom.  The tears are not coming down my face because they are bored.  I am bored of writing about boring things.  Therefore, this post ends here.


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